I often reflect on how lucky I am. This sort of thinking was not a regular thing for me until Mason was born, which is interesting, because well, after having your world change as dramatically as ours did, you really have two options: sulk and feel sorry for yourself or pick yourself up and move on. Like Chris and I have been asked a thousand times..."How do you do it?" Our answer has always been..."How do you not?" It's amazing how your perspective changes when you are in the situation. It was tough in the beginning, and can be tough at certain "low" points in our day to day, but for the most part, it's made me appreciate life and love more. Mason was perfect for Chris and I. We were in the fast lane, and Mason helped us to realize that the slow lane is okay too.
I spend less time feeling sorry for myself than I did 3 years ago, when we were still grieving. I spend a lot more time reflecting on how lucky I am. It sounds strange, but do you realize how the low points in your life are quickly followed by a realization of all the high points in your life? It's like God saying "I know this is tough now...but this will reveal new great things." Here's a few examples...
When I was pregnant, Chris and I talked every day about the benefit of having either a boy or a girl. I had a strong feeling it was a boy and I was so excited to have a boy. I looked forward to him playing sports, going hunting with dad, dating girls, getting married. After we got the news of his health, all I wanted was a healthy child. Now that we have his health concerns addressed, all I want is a happy boy. We've been blessed with a very happy child. My big goals for life turned into small goals, which have been revealed as small blessings each and every day. God gave us a challenge, and now that we're living that challenge, more great things have been revealed in our lives - new perspectives, greater feelings of accomplishment and many, many happy days.
We recently lost our Mom. The grieving process is still taking place. However, the smallest blessings could be seen during this entire process. When we all gathered in the hospital to be there for Barb, the love in the room was overwhelming. Barb was an instrumental piece in our family - she was truly the thread that built our family quilt - so to speak. We still struggle with the thought of carrying on without her, but I am hopeful that this process will cause us to grow even closer and stronger. It was also a strong reminder to tell your loved ones how much you care for them, and never take a moment for granted. This perspective was a huge blessing...and I hope that I can maintain this perspective for as long as possible, because I believe it helps me to be a more empathetic, caring person overall.
So to bring this whole story back to the reason for this post....
Early February, I challenged myself to become more involved...to give back to the community that has supported us as a family in so many ways this past 3 years. The cause that presented itself at the time was the Wausau Heart Walk, managed by the American Heart Association as well as the American Stroke Association. The American Heart Association helps to raise funds to support leading heart research. Thanks to this research, many advances have been made in heart care including advanced heart surgery procedures, heart transplants, etc. This really hit home for me, as Mason's congenital heart disease required surgery at 7 months old. I can't imagine our situation 30 years ago without the advances in heart repairs. Perhaps Mason wouldn't be with us today.
I committed to being a part of the 2011 Heart Walk Committee, which helps to organize the event. Our first meeting was exactly 1 week after Barb's stroke. I did not want to go. I did not want to open myself up to talking about the importance of heart health. But I went. I went for Barb. I was reminded countless times during the meeting, as others shared their personal stories for their passion behind the cause, why I was there. This was something, something small I could do to make a difference.
Saturday, May 14th, I am walking in memory of Barb Mrdutt and in honor of Mason. While our main goal is recruiting walkers for the event, a more important goal is raising funds for heart research. If you are available to join me and my family - please consider walking the 3 mile walk with us. If you can't make it, please consider donating to this important cause.
Visit my heart walk page.
It's my Lenten goal to Pay It Forward. (Yes - I am copying your plan...you know who you are.) The walk is my big thing...but I hope to fill each day with little things. Take time for others. Tell my family I love them. Live for the moment. Do someone a favor. Reflect on what I'm thankful for.
I'm challenging you to pay it forward as well. Reflect on how lucky you are, count your blessings, find a passion, and support a cause. No matter how bad it gets (which can be pretty bad sometimes), there is always worse. So cliche, but so true.
So go. Do it. Pay. It. Forward.
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